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Today is Chinese’s first day of the year.. so would like to wish every one HAPPY GOH TONG DAY… 
Also, it is my reason for not going yoga classes today because it’s been weeks since I enjoy myself at home. Most of the time going out and spending time with him.
Since it has been officially that I am letting go the chance for us to be together, I would like to spend more time at home.
Probability is the wisest move for me to end this because we are not going anywhere if I kept on lying to myself that he could improve but he is not. I am not going to waste more time or money to know him more. It’s been 1 and 1/2 months since I’ve known him.
But things didn’t go well and also, I’ve been having mood swings.. and has been affecting my job at times. I already had migraine during weekdays and I dont want to encounter another migraines during weekends. I had enough already.
Sorry de de… it’s time to wrap up!
Before things go badly but gonna misses those time we had together.
It’s so hard to know him and was trying very extreme hard that he could be open to me or me open to him but each time, he will raise dotted zibra to me. I had enough for trying to convince him that he is nothing to me (I lied but for his own good) but it fell into deaf ears. 
He is so jealous whenever I’m with a guy and very suspicious. I am not even his gf but he is so control and possessive which I can’t even breathe.. I am tired and so, I have make a decision which is right for us. I am not going out with de de anymore and that’s it.
So, right now I only think about my future – my career and saving more money to travel again. Probably next year.. before I settle down. I am leaving everything to God that he will arrange me to meet my white knight. Probably next year? the following year? or never? I am not going to chase for that right guy anymore.When the time comes, it will come else, I will just have to embrace what is stored for me.
De de wasn’t in the planning for 2008 or 2009. I would never have thought that I would meet someone from yoga centre but it was a mistake. I will stay away from anyone from the centre. I want to have a peaceful yoga practice and shaping out my body… also haha,.. reducing my weight!
God bless me with my 2009 planning..
Yes. now he sound quite serious in his confession of his love to me lor.
This afternoon only vowed and determined that he is not the one for me but somehow my heart is feeling something for him despite his imperfections for me…
This is somehow 2 times he showed his love to me.
I would like to believe what he has told me but I’m just unsure, uncertainty about his feelings for me.. because I just know him for about a month.
Thing goes too fast for me. It’s hard for me to breath!
I’ve been single for more than 2 years after what Anthony has done to me…
Should I be able to back to myself.. to believe in relationship?
I remember that time I was in the Buddhist temple in Phuket, Thailand; I’ve asked for guidance from God and it has mentioned all the things I’ve wanted in my life.
Although one of my wish has some defect in my actual outcome but I am happy that God has granted me 2 of my 3 wishes.
I could not be so greedy of asking more.. on the only wish that I need the most!
And yes, it will become effective on the 10 December 2008. One goal will become 2 outcomes.
However, one individual may or may not like the gift given by God… it can be a challenge, a problem or even causing mental breakdowns. As for me, embracing myself to the gift everyday life is a challenge regardless whether it will hurt me terribly or making me happy for the whole day…
Just like what have had happened to me 2 1/2 years ago whereby God has given me a gift named ALFK. He was sweet and caring despite there is an age gap of >10 years but I dont mind. I really felt like he was the one!
Somehow, the gift has turned into a challenge for me where ALFK has had involved in 2 relationships but he chose to let me go and gotten himself a wife who was my closest friend of mine, ever! M which I now named her The Bitch.
I also remember once when he was about to get married, he contacted me and I felt so disgusted! I have let it go of my past and he reminded me how stupid I was when I was against my parents’ decision. I was lucky to be out of this relationship…
Because of this… I was never been into stable relationship. FYI, ALFK was my 1st bf and possibility will be my last too considering I was too concern about a person’s character and personality. Been looking for almost 3 years and yet to find a suitable guy. Erm… so, I’ve made up my mind that I will be giving myself two more loose years ahead until 2010 (by then, 27 ?) to enjoy my travel plans.. to OVERSEAS!!
Possibility that I might end up a spinster … it is much better than being hurt by someone you’ve once trusted, you once loved, and once sworn to be together. Someone that can take care of me, someone that can shield me from dangers and most of all.. he will be problem solver whenever I needed him to be… HAHAHAHA… this will never happens… I will never ever and ever find such a guy! Given up for years now….
Hahaha… that’s it for me to rest!
I’ve stopped ONE activity for a very long time… about 2 years now and currently I am hunting for that! Hahaha… it’s been so long until I can convince myself that it’s time to move on from my comfortable place to another.
I can’t be this lazy and too cosy to move around if not I will surely becoming a very fat girl.. In fact, I am too! Now I am weighing almost 50kgs. Gosh.. I’ve gained 6kgs now. Grrrr….
One thing for sure that I have let go my feeling that I had 1/2 year ago and I’m starting to have some feelings for someone. I hate to admit that because I’ve sworn before that I will never like such a guy like him but yet … Well, see how it goes la. ……….
It is so unbearable for one sided love.
I’ve never thought my feelings for him is so strong which is much stronger than my feeling for DD. In fact, it is making me more or less missing him every single minute of my life,
But I kept on asking myself, for the past one year I did not notice him until our small trip. It is so weird because he has been right beside me without me knowing. My feelings now for him is still under control but at times, I do want to confess my feeling for him but I just know that things will not work out well if I do so. Especially I dont know whether he has the same feeling for me or he has some feeling that girl that I know.
Guess what? There are 2 people that I know asked me whether him and her hv feeling for each other , just by looking at the photos that I took few months ago. Is it weird? But my sixth sense never failed me.. always been right. I do have the same feeling like the other two! Gosh.. it is unbearable for me to have a failed relationship..
It is ME destined to be old maid? Each time I fall for a guy, surely there is a problem stored for me and things will not work out well for me.
Although I have sworn to get married by 30 years old when I was very young but yet, I think I am hoping that I will get married by 27 years old but yet, God has failed to lead me to a good guy. Why is it so? At times when I was alone thinking, I kept on asking myself if I didn’t work in that Bank, and not knowing him, will be any difference? If only I was recruited much earlier.. knowing him earlier.. will be any difference? Gosh… these questions will not end.
I guess, I cannot doubt what are the things stored for me by my beloved God. I know everything is perfectly stored me but I do hope there are clues for me to move on from here. I ain’t young but ain’t so old… Just hope that God will arrange a perfect guy for me and not wasting another few years just I did when I was in College and also after ALFK.
My confidence for a guy will come for him eventually but needs time to heal. I hope he is feeling the same for him if not, … I dont know what is my next step. Hehehe.. for sure, if everything goes well, he will be my 2009 plan. 
Sister’s wedding is about 2 months time. I’m kind of anxious too beside the bride/groom.. but this house gonna be quiet or empty. Neway, I do hope sister will have the most happiest wedding life.
Wesak day gonna be her dowry day so.. I still can participate for the 2nd time. I still remembered my sister’s dowry day was on my jobless days and her wedding day was on 20 November 2005 which is 2 days before my 21st birthday. FYI, mother bought me the phone I desired for months! T610. I was so happy but used the phone only 1 year.. then bought another phone. Hehehe..sorry mother, phone design kept on changing…
As for now, I’m quite contended right now. Not much of thinking about him anymore. Letting him go is my the most difficult decision for the past few weeks.. or shall I say, months. I think it’s more than 9 months but I’m pretty stubborn myself. I’ve been hell for the past weeks. My breakup with my ex-bf was not as painful as this. I was angry with my breakup in fact… because of betrayal. I remembered my sorrows couple of years ago when the one that I like finally decided who is his gf. Broke my heart because I liked him for almost 3 years. Since then, I have decided that NO one will ever penetrate my heart.
Neway, I remembered my conversation between me and Jeremy. Hehehe.. I don’t have bf right now but I do know which type of guy that I want in my life.
Like I told Vicky before, I won’t like a guy twice, waste of time.
I think I’ve disturbed numerous people including lawyers especially someone who is located in Johor Bahru.
He sounded quite tension over the number of hearing in his lists and in fact, he sounded like complaining. All I advised him is, take it easy and his boss can hear his conversation with me.. hehehe… neway, cannot help him much…
Hhuh… after so many week , the name vanished ^ here it appear again and someone suggesting me to accept him.. gosh, I am not interested to have anyone right now. Dont have the trust in anyone especially opposite gender. No trust means no relationship.
Perhaps, I cannot accept anyone right now.. maybe I still ,.. cannot find the right one.
